I always forget that I need to trust the process on days like today.
This week I was freaking out most of the week preparing for a studio visit. Oddly enough, I have become a very private person and have rarely allowed people over to the studio post grad school. I have become quite protective of my in-progress works, because I tend to get de-railed so easily. I started this blog as a way to try open myself up again. The studio visit went well and was very refreshing. I was treated as if I was the authority of my work and got a lot of positive feedback. I was also exposed to a very different type of visit than I am accustomed to, one that doesn't turn into a critique. It was a strange feeling to have someone trust me and the work and just ask questions.
So...Since I hadn't been in "production mode" all week, I tried to overcompensate today. I believe I may have actually ruined Empty Gesture for good. I also mutilated several small pieces I had been working on. Lastly, I tried to start new works that ended up forced and wobbly in a bad way. Some days I just try to keep pushing through the bullshit. I probably should have just stopped.
One of the most frustrating things about being an artist is the inconsistency of the creative process. Some days I can make 15 beautiful water color drawings in 3 hours. Other times, I work for weeks and everything feels like meaningless garbage. The main issue is that I'm a junkie for working and stubborn. These two things lead to many frustrating, messy, and uninspired days in the studio.
I also doesn't help that the sun has been out for about 5 hours in two weeks.
So in lieu of showing crap here are some funny sketchbook pages from the archives: